Monday, July 27, 2015

Poetry Portfolio Index

Chapter 1: Unfinished Poem at Midnight
Chapter 2: Neuengamme
Chapter 3:  People who Inspire: Rosario Morales "I am What I am"
Chapter 4: Focus on Technique: Prose Poetry
Chapter 5:  Duck!
Chapter 6: People who Inspire: Audre Lorde "Sister Outsider"
Chapter 7: Becoming a Lady
Chapter 8: Focus on Technique: Racial Identification
Chapter 9:  The Raven Kitty 
Chapter 10: People who Inspire: Alan Ginsburg "Supermarket in California"
Chapter 11:  So I Suppose You Want me to Write You a Poem?
Chapter 12: Focus on Technique: Ekphrastic Art and Poetry
Chapter 13:  So my Husband Left me for a Dog

Unfinished Poem at Midnight

Tonight at 12:14 I'm kicking myself because I have lost my needed sleep.  The kids will jump victoriously on me at 6:15 but tonight I need to finish my grief. Not because of a deadline, but just because as minutes wind down I must go down to say goodnight.  But I can't move pass to sleep.  When my mom died, got sick she left my heart incomplete.

This is all we could do the doctors said and now it is finished...  It wasn't finished.

Tomorrow it still won't be finished.   Bruised broken bleeding tonight is only a band aid because I need to take a leave.  Not forever, but just for now, for this.  Finish a period of my life rocked with new opportunities, health challenges, and devastating loss.  It's been a year since she ended up in a coma and I lost half of me, and from that I've not lost.  I have a gained a confidence in my strength.  This chapter is finished and I have won.

The pain is unfinished...  I won't pretend it not to be.

My life is hard and so it will be.  There is nothing easy, the port is still there.  Surgeries will loom and husbands full of gloom.  My life is unfinished and I don't know where it will go.  The grief is incomplete but the hope is there that my finish may be sweet.






Neuengamme


There is a sculpture in a garden of emaciated pain.  It is built to make you feel (manufacture pain) in order to help you remember that which occurred on these grounds.  It makes you wonder (can you hear those screams?) how the atrocities that occurred, occurred.  There is no explanation or answers to be found (staring at a stationary sculpture that never felt pain).  The ghosts live elsewhere, Bullenhauser (a school meant for learning) where twenty tiny souls (hung to cover the agressors shame) hung.  There is no sculpture there.  No one cares to look at children in emaciated pain.  You stand there at Neuengamme (never realizing the truth) at the emaciated adult, and call him hero.

When I was  younger I worked with the USHF on Holocaust Remberance and would do dramatic interpretations of real survivors stories.  I write and have been inspired so much by what has happened but I never really share my work because I feel it can’t match with what they went through but I share this because perhaps it’s the poem I’ve put the most heart into.


People who Inspire: Rosario Morales "I am What I am"

“I am what I am and I am US American    I haven’t wanted to say it because if I did you’d take away the Puerto Rican but now I say go to hell    I am what I am and you can’t take it away with all the words and sneers at your command…”

Probably my favorite poet is Rosario Morales’ “I Am What I Am,” did not just inspire me but changed my world.  For the first time ever in my life I realized I was not the only white skinned mestizo born Puerto Rican Jew who loves the Queen’s English and the BBC.  It was that astounding moment for me, who has always stood out and never really belonged to a group or a race now was not the only one in the universe.

It is not just an important piece for the whole (maybe three of us in existence) race of Hispanic Puerto Rican Jews with Christianity and Academia mixed in; but rather it is an important work for any women of mixed heritage.  It is a bold and brassy non-apologetic look at those of us who shouldn’t be categorized and shouldn’t be expected to give up part of themselves to fit into another categorization.  “I am what I am and I am US American    I haven’t wanted to say it because if I did you’d take away the Puerto Rican but now I say go to hell    I am what I am and you can’t take it away with all the words and sneers at your command…”

Even the form of the work is amazing.  There are no periods and few breaks.  There is a sense of continuity with each part of who she is as almost to say that if she were to end part of who she was with a sentence you the reader would categorize her as that and cut off other parts of her.  It is one take it or leave it statement and the reader has to read it just as that.

The idea of “I am who I am” is in a direct relationship with the biblical reference of the Hebrew saying ‫אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה, ehyeh ašer ehyeh.  Often the English translation is I am who I am.  Morales is not trying to state she is Moses in this poem but rather is both celebrating her Jewish heritage and more importantly stating her divine role God has given her.  By token she is telling the reader to embrace who they are.  In Hebrew teachings it is our divine right as humans to accept the unique individuality and roles God has given us.‬‬  “Take me or leave me alone.”  Is the only period in the piece and the ending to her statement, which is fitting.

In feminism where everyone categorizes themselves and others, there is not enough dialogue when it comes to uniting sisters under umbrellas rather than marking them as one thing as another.  Is Chicana feminism only for Mexicans if we share many of the same stories and even the Chupacabra?   That is what Morales is getting at through her piece.  Women are complex beings and so is race, culture, nationality, sexual orientation, hobbies, and education.  To fit into one category, what do we as women give up?  We as women need to celebrate who we are and all that we are unapologetically.

In my life I’m not bold. I try to be bold but than I become very apologetic.  I am scared to be who I am and I still don’t know how to embrace myself.  I read her works a lot and in my academic career I’m trying to emulate her.  I am trying to learn not to apologize for who I am.  Not allow myself to be written off because I am a mom or I struggle with bad health.  I am not at that point yet of total bravery where I can say “I am Who I am”, but one day I will be.

"I am what I am, I'm a mother and a wife.  There I said it and now you will limit me.  I'm skinny and often contagious, I have bruises because my iron is low and I can't clot worth shit.  I didn't ask to be this way no less than Magneto asked to be a mutant.  But fuck you, I'm still here and I'm still worth something."  

-A little bit of Francisca.


Houdini

Houdini

Popcorn in hand you sit there waiting in the luminously covered tent until the air turns sinister and the lights betray your eyes- booming voice announces the Heavens have above an angel of darkness hovers in a straight jacket circling spinning desperately clinging past redemption into a bright desperation of spotlights burning shut eyeballs the freak show has begun you are clenching tightly to your seat

upside down

as water covers so as not to fall into the tank you struggle desperately clinging past chains that lock your equilibrium into confusion circling spinning clutching desperately clinging towards murky redemption unattainable for but the lost key mocking you as the crowd holds their breath hoping for death to tell their friends about as they clutch their iPhones delightfully praying for demise

you gasp

emerging from inferno water gasping you bobble through perdition sinking into netherworld circling spinning desperately clinging to the key of hope upon the archangels robe to grasp a permanent freedom you emerge the victor triumphing over the smell of popcorn and M&M’s carried out like a king by scantily clad assistants only to be brought to the table to be

cut in half.

Focus on Technique: Prose Poetry

When first studying poetry nothing seemed more ridiculous than the concept of  "Prose Poetry".  It's like turducken, it didn't feel natural.  Yet, this is a technique that I've come to embrace most commonly in my own personal poetry.  The concept of prose poetry is simple.  According the Academy of Poetry,  "While it lacks the line breaks associated with poetry, the prose poem maintains a poetic quality, often utilizing techniques common to poetry, such as fragmentation, compression, repetition, and rhyme." In other words the prose poem still has the same internal structure that traditional poetry has and relies primarily upon emotions or imagery in order to invent its heart.

Is it really poetry?  Yes.  Is it really prose? Yes.  That is what makes the artwork so interesting.  Take for example You have to be always drunk by Charles Baudelaire.

That's all there is to it--it's the
only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks
your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually
drunk.

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be
drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of
a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again,
drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave,
the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything
that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is
singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and
wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you:"It is time to be
drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be
continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish.

This poem has a clear structure of changing from light hearted to the "turn" into something deeper.  It speaks clearly like a poem with out any doubt.

On the other hand take Edgar Alan Poe's "The Tell Tale Heart" in the last couple of paragraphs:

No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound --much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men --but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed --I raved --I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder --louder --louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! --no, no! They heard! --they suspected! --they knew! --they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

Again you can see the spirit of a poem but this time it is an overtly prose piece.  Yet when one compares the structures the following elements seen in Baudelaire's piece such as: repetition, turn, and imagery proving both prose can be poetry and poetry can be prose.  By this one might say perhaps this is the ideal of all writing.  That which can convey a feeling and tell a story all at once in vivid imagery is the most divine art of all.

Duck!

Fuck a Duck
Make it cluck
Than give him a Tummy Tuck