Unfinished Poem at Midnight

Tonight at 12:14 I'm kicking myself because I have lost my needed sleep.  The kids will jump victoriously on me at 6:15 but tonight I need to finish my grief. Not because of a deadline, but just because as minutes wind down I must go down to say goodnight.  But I can't move pass to sleep.  When my mom died, got sick she left my heart incomplete.

This is all we could do the doctors said and now it is finished...  It wasn't finished.

Tomorrow it still won't be finished.   Bruised broken bleeding tonight is only a band aid because I need to take a leave.  Not forever, but just for now, for this.  Finish a period of my life rocked with new opportunities, health challenges, and devastating loss.  It's been a year since she ended up in a coma and I lost half of me, and from that I've not lost.  I have a gained a confidence in my strength.  This chapter is finished and I have won.

The pain is unfinished...  I won't pretend it not to be.

My life is hard and so it will be.  There is nothing easy, the port is still there.  Surgeries will loom and husbands full of gloom.  My life is unfinished and I don't know where it will go.  The grief is incomplete but the hope is there that my finish may be sweet.